Dedicated to Dick Cheney and that sales associate from Banana Republic.

Ooh I love it when you call me Big Sloppy. Forgive me for my indiscretions like you actually know what they are. Tell me again how stupid I look with this brain. You make me feel like a natural moron.

Dumb it down. Make it good sense to me. Better yet, don't waste your time. Prey on me like I'm at the bottom of your food chain. I feel unsafe when I'm important. I don't like to think. It makes my tummy hurt. I'm short on food for thought.

You are so wise you see problems that don't exist. I am too slow to invent such cause for alarm. And I could certainly never keep up if reason is a moving target. But you... You have eyes in the back of your head. You are like a surveillance camera.

Remind me to thank you for your service. For I may not appreciate the true gift it has been to make your acquaintance without being coached.

Sent via iPhone.