"and the Oscar goes to...
Tuesday, March 2, 2010 at 7:11AM ... someone somehow connected to a movie you've never seen!"
This is what I expect to hear over and over again from my TV on Sunday, when the 82 Annual Academy Awards glaringly point out all of my entertainment-viewing failings.
And, yes: by "you" I expect the presenters to specifically mean me. I believe that all word-using people on TV are addressing me directly when they use personal pronouns.
What? You don't?
I see. Well, that makes one of us weird.1
Anyway, I also safely assume that the presenters won't use titles and/or names, but instead will dampen the celebration of the various achievements by handing off the statuettes with all of the very same ambivalence I'm feeling from at home on the couch, because the Academy knows that it's all about the viewer.2 Hence, the "someone" and the "somehow."
Where is any of this going?
Nowhere. This is going nowhere. And that's been my destination all along, apparently.
You see, all week, you'll hear about the "Road to the Oscars." Well, ladies and gentlemen, my "Road to the Oscars" is more like a cul-de-sac.
I had all these great plans, not the least of which was to see the free lineup of four complete Oscar categories at the National Archives. But I have executed virtually zero of them. I think the only thing I actually did was load my Netflix queue with as many titles as were available, but then, of course, watch only three.
One of those three was Food, Inc., which inspired me to at least think a bit more about what I eat.
But one of those three was 9, which inspired me to consider never watching anything animated but not stamped with "Disney," "DreamWorks" and/or "Pixar" ever again.
And so here I am. Five days out, every-movie-ever-made-(it-seems) to go. And I'm not going to get there. I know this. You, now, know this. And the Academy, now, knows this.
I guess there's always next year.
1Me. Definitely me.
2And the viewer is me. PBS even says so. Remember "Viewers like you?" Yep. Me.
Reader Comments (16)
I still haven't seen "Avatar." (GASP.) And I'm really bummed I haven't seen "Crazy Heart" yet. As for "The Blind Side"...I hope to never see it.
Please tell me you have "District 9" in your queue. That movie was freaking awesome. Strange, but awesome.
I feel like the Oscars are going to be much like the Olympics this year---a lot of pomp and hype but little delivery.
It's a really dedicated task. I'm sure you saw my last tweet about my current status:
37/58 films
100/121 nominations
Hey it wasn't easy trying to cram in that many movies.
Also I think you should know that you watched the wrong 9. 9, the animated film, wasn't nominated. Nine, the musical (but equally as bad) was nominated.
Hey you know there's still hope- you can watch either Day 2 of the Best Picture showcase and watch half the nominees this Saturday- OR watch them all in 24 hours check out the AMC site for more info.
A couple of years ago, The Mister and I did a whole day of viewing at our local AMC of the Best Picture noms. But being that there are a whopping 10 of them this year, I doubt we'll get to do that again.
I'm not even sure what movies are up for what awards - aside from Avatar and Hurt Locker. And...maybe Precious? Maybe?
I usually really put out an effort to see most of the nominated films, but this year I'm a big fat failure too. I haven't seen 9 yet.. I saw the musical Nine though- and I didn't much like it. I'm a little dissapointed you didn't like it! I guess I don't have to waste my time this week with another suckfest!
I don't even pretend to try and see all the movies. Or watch the awards. I'm perfectly happy to check online the next day.
Also, I wholeheartedly support your boycott of all animated films not stamped Disney/Dreamworks/Pixar. But if they ARE one of those three, I'll be there. Probably opening weekend. Like an awesome person.
I vehemently warned you against "9." That's on you, my friend.
That's on you.
there IS always next year. i mostly am forced to watch kid's movies b/c of the 7 yr old son but did manage to see shutter island and thought it deserved an oscar. but no one is giving me a vote. idiots.
Food Inc was a great doc.. freaked my gf out a bit, but we loved it. And I'm really pissed at the Oscar elites for not nominating 'The Hangover'.
i've seen like 3 movies that received any sort of nomination. clearly, i only see HIGH QUALITY movies with my spare time.
I swear, I really TRY to care about the Oscars. But I just don't. I'm guessing I've seen a solid NONE of the movies that are up for nomination. Oops.
I honestly don't care who wins or if I've watched the movies. I just want to see Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin. That's about it.
Yeah I'm kind of a freak. I love this shit. By the time the awards are on Sunday, I will hopefully have seen 52 of the 58 that are nominated. Including all the shorts. There were so many good ones this year, but definitely see Crazy Heart and The Hurt Locker. You'd like both. And like Patrick said, 9 the animated movie wasn't nominated. So yeah -- that's your own fault.
I should rent "Food Inc", it sounds interesting! I watch some of the movies that have won Oscars or have been nominated, but only if they intrigue me. Watching every single film that was ever mentioned in an awards show would take too long and frankly, some of them don't deserve to be mentioned.
seems like an impossible task.
anyhow, I've never heard about this food inc but now you've piqued my curiousity. I mean, I want to freak out about eating places!! I dont want to be left without panic!!!
I haven't seen Avatar and this is the first sign I've gotten about when the Oscars actually occur, so I hope you don't feel like you're out of touch (because that then means there's no hope for me...).